Tom Delay is the Devil

Congressman Tom Delay. What more can we say about this bastion of ethics. This pillar of morality. This great defender of human life and citizen's rights. What can we say about him? Well, for starters, we can call him Lucifer. Because that's what he is. He's the devil, folks. The devil in devil's clothing. He's not even made the effort to mask himself in the proverbial sheep outfit. He's right there before our very eyes, in full devil gear, horns, pitchfork and all. Radiating that shiny red Texas heat. And, damn, he's proud; a proud little devil, that Tom Delay is. Proud to stand before Congress, the media, the American public, and show how no one but he has Terri Schiavo's best interests at heart. That he and he alone can and will be her savior. It's all about the sanctity of life, Delay tells us. And he ought to know, because he is the most sanctimonious little devil there is. He's also a fortunate little devil, mind you. He owes Terri Schiavo a great big thank you, because she unknowingly saved his hellish hide much like Robert Blake came to the rescue of Gary Condit. Nothing like a juicy murder to distract from another. And in the case of Devil Delay, he has Ms. Schiavo to thank for saving him from the weeks and months of grueling, embarrassing and potentially career-altering ethics charges. Timing is everything, they say. And for Devil Delay, the timing couldn't be better. Last Friday, speaking before the Jesus-juiced-up members of the Family Research Council, Devil Delay said "One thing that God has brought to us is Terri Schiavo to elevate the visibility of what's going on in America." He then went on to warn these God-fearing souls "The other side has figured out how to win and defeat the conservative movement, and that is to go after people personally, charge them with frivolous charges." Was that the Republican Party he was referring to? Because the last time I checked, "the other side," us, we Democrats, have won nothing! Nada. Zippo. Bupkis. Our little devil is a liar. He's a master manipulator. A divider. A self-serving, oligarchic megalomaniacal law-breaker. He's so evil he makes Dick Cheney look like a Boy Scout. So evil he makes President Bush appear like Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life." Tony Perkins, president of Family Research Council, told members of his group to support DeLay. "I challenge you to pray for him," Perkins said after DeLay's remarks. "I know the work that this man is doing ... I encourage you to stand with him." Perkins is right. Pray for this man. Pray for Devil Delay, because it's gonna be mighty hot where he's eventually headed. But most of all, pray for Terri Schiavo. Pray that she gets what she wants, not what you, I, Devil Delay, Bill Frist, Rick Santorum, Jeb Bush, the Schindlers or Michael Schiavo wants. She deserves at least that. Andy