Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I Wanna Be Scanned and Groped



There's a growing rage among air travelers against the Transportation Security Administration's new measures to prevent acts of terrorism. The public outcry centers on the 400 new full-body scanners at 70 of the nation's airports, over what some believe is an invasion of privacy, and inappropriate physical contact during the more extensive pat-downs for those who opt out of the scanning. As one irate flyer warned TSA officers during a pat-down last week in San Diego, "If you touch my junk, I'm gonna have you arrested."

But is this outrage representative of how a majority of Americans view the new anti-terror tactics or is all the fuss coming from just a very small band of protesters who are exaggerating the frustration and opposition of everyone else?

I can only speak for myself. After the horrific 9/11 attacks and the failed missions of both the shoe and underwear bombers, as well as the general daily threats we face from those who wish to blow us out of the sky, I say do whatever the hell you want to me if it means I get to go home alive at the end of the day. And if that means stripping me naked, so be it. Truth is, we're all half-naked at the X-rays now anyway. No jackets, no belts, no shoes...it's just a short hop to no pants or shirt. If you need to put a hand down my pants to check for explosives, grope away. In fact, dim the lights and serve me a glass of Chardonnay and I just might even enjoy it. When you consider all the indignities we already suffer at airports, a little groping is actually a fitting reward, no?

To be honest, I don't get all the outrage. I think it's quite foolish, actually. Have these Americans forgotten about the carnage of 9/11? Have the images of planes crashing into buildings, of bloodied dust-covered New Yorkers running for their lives, been erased from their collective brains? Are they so arrogant and in denial that they're gonna now stage boycotts and other planned disruptions at airports to protest the new measures? Like there's not enough frustrating inconveniences and delays as it is? What are they protesting against anyway, safety?

Listen folks, I have some distressing news for you. You're not that attractive and no one cares to see you naked. Seriously. Please put your narcissism in check. This ain't about you. Have you seen what most air travelers actually look like? It's not like a bunch of randy TSA cops are sitting in some dark room behind the scanning monitors going, "Oooh, here comes another fat 60-year-old, fellas!"

This is about safety and security. Mine, yours, and that of everyone who travels. It's about the safety and security of those working in office buildings, who don't want planes crashing into them. It's about winning. Winning the war against those who wish to destroy us wherever and whenever they can. And that includes the skies. I'm getting sick of hearing about how the new scanners and pat-downs "have gone too far." Funny how no one said that on September 12, 2001. How quickly some forget.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just want the 2012 election to be over with Obama still president and the House and Senate still in Dems control.

The nightmare of the next 2 years is going to be pure hell.

Suzanne said...

Andy, you need to check out some of the reports about the adverse health effects of the body scan equipment.

mildred said...

AMEN!! Very well said, Andrew - couldnt have said it better myself. Better to be patted down than blown up!

Unknown said...

Read the Fourth Amendment! This scanning and groping amount to an unreasonable search. 9/11 has become the excuse for every intrusion of the federal government into our private lives, and WE HAVE HAD IT! It amounts to sexual assault, and there is NO EXCUSE for that.

teknikAL said...

I hope the snarky undercurrent means your piece here is a complete satire. Yet regarding this issue, when anyone trots out "911" you seem to cow and knuckle under to what ever the dominant nationalistic leader proposes. And this is what losing our freedom really is, cowing in fear.
Until the reality of what happened September 11 is seen and why it was so easy to believe that such chaos and destruction could be carried out by alleged guys with box cutters, you will yield to the oppressive heel of those who love to sell billions of dollars of oppression in the guise of safety to the cowering masses....
The planes crashing into buildings did not kill 3,000 people. The buildings crashing to the ground did. They did not fall from planes.

Christa said...

Thank you. Your article was so on point and I couldn't agree with you more. Happy Thanksgiving!

Anonymous said...

Pathetic. 45,000 people die every year from no health insurance and you're concerned about the possibility of a person placing a bomb in their underwear? It would be worth it to be on the plane while their blowing their privates off.

Paul in Houston.

GraysonStone said...

Yay Andy ... I couldn't agree more!!

alan momeyer said...

You're so right about all of it. And I truly wish the President, rather than saying something bland like "We're trying to balance safety concerns with the right to privacy" had responded as you write above. It would give him a chance to show some passion and some outrage, which in the long run would win him more supporters than the few crazies he would lose.

Alan

Unknown said...

For the first time, I find myself disagreeing with you, Andy. Can someone point to a passenger that was caught by TSA attempting to smuggle true terrorist paraphenalia onto a plane? Truth is not one of the 9/11 hijackers would have been stopped by this screening. Since the hardening of the cockpit doors on planes, hijacking is non-existent. Nor will these scanners or pat downs prevent anyone from getting c4 or drugs or anything in a body "cavity" from getting on a plane. We are constantly overreacting to non threats. The whole point of all this is not to make us safe, but to make us FEEL safe. Ask the Israelis if they think these scanners are worth the loss of privacy. These scanners are a blatant violation of the Fourth Ammendment of the Bill of Rights.

Anonymous said...

Do anything to you? How about looking at you and your background? Where you've traveled recently. The country that issued your passport. Whether you bought a one way or round trip ticket? Whether you are of similar age and gender of previous terror suspect and terrorists who were born or lived where you were/did. Then asking you a bunch of random questions from diverse aspects of your life in rapid fashion so as to see if you can provide coherent, consistent answers that correlate to who you say you are?

In the interest of safety and keeping you alive on a plane, it seems like that's rational and sensible, wouldn't you agree?

Howie said...

If we were truly so concerned about protecting people, there would be profiling.

Anonymous said...

Jesus Andy---know who you sound like in this article??

GEORGE W BUSH!

Hotrod said...

Andy,
You totally screwed up on this one. All of the events you mentioned would not have happened if the regulations in place at the time of these events were indeed enforced. Not only were these laws and regulations not enforced, but nobody has been held accountable for the lack thereof. The new scans and groping are simply another step toward less privacy-and more Fascism.