Thursday, October 08, 2015

Donald Trump Tweets Like a Catty Middle Schooler

The 2016 presidential campaign has been a real eye-opener for sure, with the Republican Party's effort to recapture the White House hijacked by flavor-of-the-moment "outsiders" like Donald Trump, Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina, who've dominated the polls, the press and the public's attention.

And how the campaign's been waged is also a paradigm shifter. For example, there's been lots of chatter about how Trump's use of Twitter has radically altered the political landscape (see Monday's NY Times article). And not necessarily for the better. His relentless tweeting more resembles the behavior of a catty middle-school drama queen than a grown man.

Which is why I took actual Trump tweets, changed the names from real people to fake school kid names, and changed political situations to sound more school-like. The results are stunning. The conclusion? There's a 13-year-old girl trapped in Donald Trump's head. Remember, these are actual Trump tweets except for the names and one or two places/situations:

"Fiona is no bargain but I don't like Henry--he dates and tells--be careful Fiona! (just watch!)"

"Kim is truly one of the dumbest of the school paper people - he doesn't have a clue!"

"Do you ever notice that lightweight Max constantly goes after me but when I hit back it is totally sexist. He is highly overrated!"

"Ethan is trying to hit back at me because I'm saying that he let the class down w/his loss to Bastion. Should've won--he choked!"

"Anna and Emily are finally attacking each other, as I knew they would, in order to be the last "cheerleading" girls standing against me. Great"

"Sarah was very disloyal to Darby, her friend, when she decided to run against her. Both said they "love" each other.They don't - word is hate!"

"Jack is, without question, the WORST EVER president. I predict he will now do something really bad and totally stupid to show manhood!"

Griffin should not take back Sophie. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again--just watch. He can do much better!"

"Everyone knows I am right that Griffin should dump Sophie. In a couple of years, he will thank me. Be smart, Griffin."

"Everyone is asking me to speak more on Griffin & Sophie. I don't have time except to say "Griffin, drop her, she cheated on you & will again!"

"Everybody wants me to talk about Sean and not Noah--I guess people just don't care about Noah!"

"Lucy, what the hell were you thinking when you went out with that loser Malcolm. There is a guy who has got nothing going, a waste!"

"Charley is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her old boyfriend left her for a boy- he made a good decision."

"Pervert alert. Gus is back on twitter. All girls under the age of 18, block him immediately."

No comments: