Wednesday, February 07, 2018

Parade Charade: Trump Once Againt Shamelessly Exploits the Military for Personal Gain

Never in United States history has there been a politician who has mocked, denigrated, disrespected and exploited the military as much as Donald Trump.

Trump's latest transparent stunt came Tuesday with the news that he's directed the Pentagon to plan a Bastille Day-inspired grand military parade down Pennsylvania Avenue. Like France's iconic warrior Napoleon Bonaparte, Trump's all but crowned himself emperor and sees himself as the great national valiant hero. So what's more fitting than a bit of Napoleonic pomp and circumstance?

And why not, right? Trump, the self-proclaimed "counter-puncher," is proudly touted
as a "street-fighter" by his aides and surrogates. You attack him and he hits you back 100 times harder. He's a ruthless bully on Twitter. Armed with an iPhone, his tiny fingers and 280 characters, Trump wages cyber-warfare with Beethoven-like mastery at the keys. At his rallies, where his bombast and braggadocio run amok, he yells in that loud, gravely "get him outta here!" intimidating tone. Apparently, someone told him that if he pretends to sound tough he is tough.

The only problem is that Trump is anything but tough. Anything but a warrior. Anything but a hero. He's a coward. A draft-dodging coward. Unlike Napoleon, who bled on the battlefield, when it was Trump's time to serve his country during Vietnam he hid behind his rich daddy's coattails and imaginary 'bone-spurs' and received five student and medical deferments.

And while 58,000 of his countrymen had died in Vietnam, Trump, in a 1997 interview with Howard Stern, arrogantly bragged that his years of sleeping around, when he faced the danger of sexually transmitted diseases, was his "personal Vietnam."

"I feel like a great and very brave soldier," he impudently boasted to Stern.

But the closest Trump ever came to actually wearing a uniform was as a teenager when he was sent by his father Fred to the New York Military Academy....the kind of strict military boarding school where exasperated parents often send unruly asshole kids to 'become men.' (Fred, if he were alive, should demand his money back plus interest).

And now Trump wants a parade. With weapons, missiles and tanks rolling past the White House while Dear Leader stands like Kim Jong Un basking in the manufactured glow of self-created adulation as everyone salutes him.

But the official White House explanation for the parade is more altruistic:

“President Trump is incredibly supportive of America’s great service members who risk their lives every day to keep our country safe," said press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “He has asked the Department of Defense to explore a celebration at which all Americans can show their appreciation.”

Nice try, Sarah, but the duplicity of your statement is staggering. Let's revisit some of the many ways Trump has shown his 'respect' and "support" for the military and its "great service members":

*"I know more than the generals"
*Attacked John McCain: He's "not a war hero... He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren't captured"
*Attacked Gold Star families
*Lied to veterans about a $5-million donation
*"The military is a disaster"
*Took a veteran's Purple Heart at a rally: “I always wanted to get the Purple Heart. This was much easier”

But wait there's more, and it's even worse...

Trump is under independent investigation for allegedly colluding with Russia to hack and influence the 2016 election and then wage a merciless campaign to demean and discredit the special prosecutor, the FBI and Department of Justice. He's also attacked the free press as "the enemy of the people." He's called Democrats "treasonous" and "un-American" because they didn't applaud him during his State of the Union speech. And he's repeatedly demonstrated a general disdain for the Constitution and the rule of law.

What could be more unconscionably disrespectful to our brave soldiers than to attack the bedrocks of democracy...the laws and freedoms...that they died defending?  

You can almost hear them shouting from the grave with clench fists...'spare us your fucking parade.'

So make no mistake: the parade charade is not a celebration of our military but rather a pathetic attempt by the Narcissist-in-Chief to celebrate himself and, more so, to once again use the military as pawns in his War of Distraction from the RussiaGate investigation. An investigation that each day moves closer to the Oval Office door and could ultimately bring and end to Trump's reign of terror.

Before that humiliating end occurs, perhaps Trump, like his idol Napoleon, will abdicate his throne and be exiled to the island of Manhattan...

Friday, February 02, 2018

Here's What Trump's Tweets Might Look LIke in Two Years...

We all know how much Donald Trump loves to Tweet. It empowers him and provides a safe platform to be the "street-fighting counter-puncher" to opponents and enemies ranging from Hillary Clinton to Kim Jong Un. He's so addicted to Twitter that it's impossible to imagine him without it, no matter his ultimate fate.

So here's a sampling of what the Tweeter-in-Chief's missives might look like in two years...

"My impeachment hearing was the HIGHEST RATED in history! So much better than Clinton's! And I would've beaten Johnson too if we had TV back in the '20's!"  

"President Pence says my pardon's coming soon. I'm starting to doubt it. Never trusted that guy. He better watch it. I know things...BIGLY things!"

"Spoke with Paul Ryan today. He's still in shock over losing to Bryce last year. Eric Cantor's been helping him. He had a shocking loss too. THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR!!" 

"Just visited Don Jr. today. He's still adjusting to prison. And I got to meet his boyfriend. Great guy! LOVES TRUMP!!"  

"I WON'T be visiting Devin, Mike, Paul, Rick, George, Hope, Jeff, Carter or Jared. Will never forget how they turned on me. Besides...Trump HATES prison!"

"I love being back in NY. I can tell everybody really LOVES me! They're all just pretending to hate me and ignore me because it's, like, "coolfveve" to hate Trump. WHATEVER!"

"Since Melania left, I've had more pussy than a cat shelter! Talk about MAGA!"

"Eric was just promoted to MANAGER at the Trump Tower Starbucks! (I pulled some strings...he never would've gotten it on his own). SO PROUD!"

"Hoping that maybe this is the month I'll get to see Barron. I've heard he's maybe, kinda, like, not so angry anymore. He knows Trump loves him!"

"Ivanka and Jared's divorce is final. Trump VERY happy! Never got this whole "Jew" thing anyway...'

"Melania just signed a $20-million book deal. I am SO fucked..."

Thursday, February 01, 2018

I'm Sorry, But It's Racism That's Created, Enables and Protects Trump

"Make America Great Again." There are many who believe that Donald Trump's campaign slogan (which, btw, he stole from Ronald Reagan) is simple code for "Make America White Again." They're not wrong.

To those who claim that Trump voters were and remain motivated by "economic reasons," or that they wanted to "shake things up" and/or wanted a rich "outsider" who'd use his own money and therefore "not be beholden to any special interests"...I say bullshit. It's about race. And racism. Period. End...of...story.

Throughout history racism has driven seemingly normal, law-abiding, religious people to do very, very bad things. Like commit murder. Remember all the lynchings? The Chaney, Goodman and Schwerner killings in '64? People of color get killed every day in racially-motivated hate crimes. Hatred trumps (pun intended) logic and reason.

To be sure, not every racist is a murderer, a thief or any sort of criminal. But, racists can surely elect another racist president and then proceed to justify, defend and enable his racism and his reckless, dangerous, anti-American behavior every day that he's in office.

Racists can cavalierly cast aside the core values that our great nation was built on, and the Constitution which preserves and protects those values as well as our liberties, freedoms and laws.

Racists will sacrifice their own needs and interests and allow themselves to be subjugated by their racist president.

Racists will turn a blind eye to their racist president's complicity in Russia's meddling in our election and its undermining of our democracy despite obvious collusion, obstruction of justice and a blatant cover up.

Racists will believe their racist president when he spews his relentless propaganda about the Russia investigation being a "witch hunt" despite multiple criminal indictments and guilty-pleas to-date.

Racists will believe their racist president when he and his henchmen wage an unconscionable and unprecedented campaign to simultaneously demean, disrespect and discredit the Department of Justice, FBI and the intelligence community.

Racists will allow their racist president to circumvent the rule of law, attack our independent judiciary and label our free and open press "the enemy of the people."

Racists will allow their racist president to convince them that the media and fact-checkers--the very people who's job it is to fight for and report the truth--are the real liars. 

Racists will believe anything their racist president tells them no matter how obvious and staggering the lies.

Racists will still blindly support their racist president no matter how much he's lied to them and reneged on campaign promises.

Racists will hear their racist president condescendingly mock them with "I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose voters"...and without an ounce of dignity or self-respect still support him.

Racists will accept when their racist president grabs pussies, bangs porn stars and cheats on his wife...even when Melania herself appears to have mentally and physically checked out.

Racists have no problem with their racist president attacking the Pope. Or disabled people. Or Gold Star widows and mothers.

Racists will cheer when their racist president summarily scapegoats and discriminates entire segments of the population because of religion and/or skin color.

Racists are ok with their racist president being what many mental health professionals believe is a sociopath.  

Racists will bastardize everything...everything...they claim to believe in and stand for because of racism...allowing their overpowering bigotry to turn them into heartless, soulless, compassion-and-empathy-bankrupt hypocrites.  

Racists are even ok with their racist president possibly committing treason and being a traitor.

Racism makes people crazy. Racism makes people stupid. Racism makes people self-destructive. Racism is poison. And it's that poison that's brought us to the doorstep of a Constitutional crisis. Of a complete and shocking ethical and moral subversion. Of authoritarian rule.

Make no mistake: Trump is who he is, where he is and does what he does with impunity because of racism.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

The Shame of the Union Speech



By most critics' accounts, President Donald J. Trump's first State of the Union speech was great. He did what he had to do, which satisfied his base, his party and its leadership, some independents and many in the mainstream media. And by "great" we of course mean he didn't make any materially ignorant, sexist, racist, xenophobic, divisive remarks. Nor did he insult anyone or deride them with juvenile nicknames. Welcome to the low bar for high achievement.  

Contrasted against Rep. Joe Kennedy III's spirited, empowering big-tent rebuttal, Trump delivered his 1:20 speech in a dull, somber, dispassionate, uninspired tone with the animated cadence of a metronome. And, the speech strayed so far from reality that even the most technologically advanced GPS wouldn't be able to guide him back to the truth.

Whether the subject was the economy, wages, taxes, energy, immigration, crime, immigration or terrorism, the speech was loaded with misrepresentations and blatant lies. It was more like the Shame of the Union speech.

But... he read from a teleprompter like a good boy. He did what he was told to do. Read what was written for him. He fought his overpowering urge to ad lib. He stayed on point. Didn't drool. Didn't slur his speech. Didn't make up any new words like "covfefe" (ok, he did refer to "Opamacare") or call it his State of the Uniom speech. He didn't disparage Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. And he didn't scapegoat, blame or malign anyone, especially his counterparts across the aisle. To the contrary, he offered olive-branch messages of bi-partisanship and unity.  

But most significantly, and this should really be the only thing that matters about the speech (especially in the rush to judge the 'awesomeness' of it), is that Trump didn't say anything that corresponds to his overall behavior since he tossed his hat into the ring in June of 2016. Nothing he said matches either his actual words or actions, or those of his administration and its policies. Talk about fake news. It would be like Bernie Madoff disingenuously orating about honesty, integrity, transparency and the need to protect peoples' investments.  

There was no mention of Trump's many offenses, controversies, scandals and legal challenges. No mention of pussy-grabbing and porn stars. No mention of the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements. No mention of collusion, obstruction of justice or the RussiaGate investigation. No mention of the multiple indictments and guilty pleas so far. No mention of Russia's attack on our Democracy and the looming threat of yet another meddling in our upcoming election. No mention of the need to combat white nationalism and racism. No mention of his historically low approval rating. No mention of his massive turnover in staff and aides. No mention of our reduced standing in the world, or our dramatically reduced role on climate, trade and human rights.

And even in his desire to project unity, tolerance, inclusiveness and American idealism, Trump still managed to do so in a cold, unfeeling, dire, negative manner. While it lacked the ominously dark "American carnage" rhetoric of his inaugural speech, it offered no sincere rationale for hope and change. We simply got the feeling that he was painfully restrained by his handlers and couldn't wait to get his tiny little fingers back to Twitter where real Trump can be the great counter-punching 'street fighter.' 

So how 'bout we wait to see what real Trump does post-speech, because if history repeats itself, last night's address will likely soon prove to be nothing more than a typically amateurish Trump performance-art piece designed as a break from the daily bombast and bullying.    

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

WTF Has Happend to the Republican Party?

Imagine Satan rising from the flaming depths of hell, plowing his fiery red hands right through your chest and ripping your heart out. Imagine him wrapping his scorching lips around your entire head and sucking out your soul. Welcome to the 2018 Republican Party. It's the walking dead.

If the GOP's iconic standard-bearer Ronald Reagan were alive today he'd be aghast over what's happened to his beloved party. It would be utterly unrecognizable to him.

Why on Earth would Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan willingly sleep with the devil over Donald Trump? Why are they so loyally protecting an ignorant, sexist, racist, sexual-abusing, pathologically-lying sociopath traitor who presents the greatest threat in history to our democracy and whose vile, dangerous, anti-American behavior runs counter to everything they supposedly stand for?

Seriously guys, what the fuck has happened to you?

When exactly was the point when you decided, "Yeah, it's ok if Vladimir Putin attacks us, meddles in our election, undermines our democracy, creates utter chaos and toxicity, pits Americans against each other and turns us into a laughingstock shithole of a nation...just as long as we get our Supreme Court justice, our tax reform, corporate deregulation and a disintegration of Obamacare."

The GOP once stood for a strong defense, national security and unwavering patriotism.

The GOP was once a staunch, unapologetic protector of the rule of law and the Constitution.

The GOP was once the party of "values." A party that, at least publicly, advocated against corruption and sin. Strong proponents of family and faith...even though behind closed doors many in its ranks led controversial, scandal-plagued double-lives.

But that was yesterday's Republican Party.

Today's GOP is complicit in the greatest political perversion in our history. It's shamelessly enabling Trump's moral, ethical and perhaps criminal assault on America. Allowing the 'kompromised' United States president to subvert our 242-year-old principles and imperil our national security and freedoms. Supporting a likely Traitor-in-Chief who's empowered our enemies while alienating our allies. Who's isolated us on the world stage. Who's stripped us of our leadership role on trade, the environment, immigration and human/civil rights.    

Today's GOP has not just allowed Trump's abuses of power, but is using the levers of government as a partisan tool to fuel and provide cover for them.

Today's GOP has sanctioned Trump's predatory behavior towards women. It's given a thumb's up to his racism. To his white nationalism. It's embraced and condoned his infidelity, and his coughing up hush-money to at least one porn star he's banged allegedly in the first year of his marriage to Melania, when Barron was just 4-months-old.

Today's GOP stands idly by as Trump wages an unrelenting and ill-founded war on the media, our free and open press and our freedom of speech.

Today's GOP shares his utter disrespect and disdain for our independent judiciary, the intelligence community and the FBI.

Today's GOP has condoned Trump's blatant, pathological lying, his unprecedented reshaping of reality and the truth, and his willful misrepresentations to the American public. 

Today's GOP, rather than fulfill its oversight role as a co-equal branch of government, has become Trump's henchmen, carrying out his dirty deeds with reckless abandon.   

Today's GOP has watched Trump incredulously refuse to implement sanctions against Russia that it passed in virtual bi-partisan unanimity.

Today's GOP has allowed Trump to roll up the Constitution's Emoluments Clause like a cone and shove it up their collective assess.  

Today's GOP, rather than preparing Trump's Articles of Impeachment, is instead rolling out the authoritarian red carpet. Allowing him to turn us into a kleptocracy and a banana republic.

Today's GOP is neutered. Ineffectual. Broken. Suspiciously complicit.

Perhaps the biggest question is not what the Russian's might have on Trump, but what he has on Congress.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

The Emporer's New Wall: My Ridiculously Simple Border Solution for Trump

The wall. That damned wall. For two years Donald Trump has relentlessly promised it to his brainwashed, xenophobic base.

A "big, beautiful wall," he'd promise.

"And who's gonna pay for the wall?!!"

"MEXICO!" they'd hoot like convicts at a strip club.

And now Trump finds himself threatened with another government shutdown in two weeks over the budget, DACA and border security. He knows he's toast if he fails to deliver the wall to his disciples. The wall is as much a part of his DNA as the orange spray-tan that's leeched into his bloodstream. So he's standing firm. No wall, no DACA. But there's a simple solution.

Trump should just tell his base he got the wall. He doesn't need an actual wall. They'll believe him. They believe anything he tells them. They're so brainwashed they won't know the difference. 

Here's the speech the Liar-in-Chief can give when a deal with Democrats is finally made:

"Good evening...
I am very bigly excited to announce we cut a deal. I mean I cut a deal. I alone. Me. All by myself. With the help of no one else. Just Trump. And it's a great deal. A lovely deal.
The best deal ever in the history of deals. Believe me. Anyway, we've avoided another shutdown. And we have a wall!

Let me tell you about our wall. It's big alright! And it sure as hell is beautiful! And get this...it's invisible! It uses this brand-new Israeli technology that makes things invisible to the naked eye. Ya gotta love the Jews! Are they smart, or what!? 

Our wall... our big, beautiful 60-foot invisible wall... will keep out all those bad hombres trying to sneak across the border. It's like those invisible dog fences. You may not see it, but it'll zap the crap outta ya if ya touch it, believe me!

But be very careful, people. Very careful. If you're ever down there, ya know, by the Mexico/Puerto-Rico Texas border, don't get too close! You may wanna stick your hand out...touch it... see how it feels. Don't do it! It'll cook ya like a taco bowl! But trust me, it's there.

So, we won! WE WON! We beat the Democrats! We got the wall! And guess what? We also got Mexico to pay for it! They're paying in Bitcoin! It's what they call a 'crypto-currency.' The Winklevoss Twins invented it. I think they're Jews too. And if they're not, they worked for Mark Zuckerberg, and he's a Jew. So it's like the same thing. Anyway, I know, it's way confusing to you people because, like the invisible wall, you can't see the Bitcoin. But it's all there, believe me...

Are ya tired of winning yet!?...."

And when the media reports the truth, that there is actually no wall, Trump can simply accuse them of "fake news"... 

And everything will be just fine. 

The base will lap it all up. 

And we can move on.

No more wall talk ever again.

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

The State of the Union Speech Trump Should Deliver

On the evening of January 30th President Donald Trump will enter the chamber of the United States House of Representatives and deliver his first State of the Union address to the 115th Congress. If history repeats itself, Trump will spend about an hour giving what will most likely be the most dishonest, fact-deficient, reality-challenged propagandistic speech in presidential history. But what if he actually spoke the truth...?

(to muted applause)...

“Thank you! (nodding). Thank you! Thank you! Ok, shut up! Sittttdowwwwnnnnnn!

My fellow Americans. And Democrats. What a fucking year, huh!? Are ya exhausted yet?! I know I am! Despite what Doc Ronny...the physical...he said I’m in...ya know...the exam was incredible...but he’s full of shit. I’m in lousy shape. Just look at me. I’m blowing up more than Bitcoin! My diet is...I can tell you...I eat like shit, I don’t exercise—but I love golf...is it Saturday yet?—and I have more insecurities than an acne-ravaged teenager. I’m a hot mess, people, believe me! Ok, enough small talk. Let’s get this done. I have TV to watch. 

Speaking of which...what idiot decided this speech should be named after “Fake Tapper’s” CNN show? So stupid! 

So...America....let’s...it’s incredible what I’ve...no president has...never before have we....is anyone worse than Trump?! What a shithole I turned it into, huh? I hate this job! The pay sucks, I have to kiss Congress’s ass—although Kevin McCarthy brought me my favorite color Starbursts in a jar with his name on...WTF is up with that?!—and everybody’s watching me 24/7, so I can’t bang strippers and porn stars. I’m bored as fuck. And Melania hates it too. If she comes into my bedroom and whines one more time I swear I’m gonna divorce her. Just as soon as Sekulow can figure out how to break the pre-nup. 

Let’s start with domestic. Yeah, let’s do domestic. How about that tax cut!? First, and I’m proud, biggest in history, no one ever...so massive...but, too bad none of it’s for the poor and middle class. But don’t tell them. They think I’m...it’s for them...ya know, I’m putting money...it’s going in their pockets. 

And regulations!? Bye Felicia! Trump believes...and I’ve said this...believe me...it’s time to...and people agree...companies should be able to, like, do whatever they want. It's our system of Capitalness. Entrepwhenusers must be allowed to succeed without...and this is...we can’t...they can’t be strangled by regulation. 

Now let’s discuss the environment. Can we...this climate change hoax. Gimme a break. No one but Trump is telling you...winter? Like, and believe me, it’s not...have you seen...holy FUCK it’s been cold! It’s been so cold that the lies literally freeze in mid-air as they leave my face! That’s why I...and the French hate me for it...but...the Paris Climate Agreement is a waste of time. I was...we flew and spent....have you been to Paris recently? The weather there’s just fine, believe me. 

Healthcare? Overrated. I wanna say...and this is...here’s the fix: don’t get sick! And...‘single-payer’ insurance isn’t the answer. Married people would want it too. This issue is...believe me, it’s a disaster. So there is...that’s why...and let me tell you...Obamacare is dead. 

But, the economy...what’s more important than...and who knew...and the numbers speak for themselves people...it’s obvious that....to be honest, the stock market is...when Obama was president he tripled it. It’s way up under Trump, but it’s gonna...you know...stocks drop too. Bigly correction probably coming. Very bigly. 

And jobs? Last year was the lowest in about 6 years. Obama created, like, he was more successful...when it comes to jobs he’s beat me every year. I hate that. You know I hate Obama, right? Why is that skinny black guy so much better than me at every goddamn thing!? Arrrgggggg! 

Ok, time to address the 800lb Trump in the room. Racism. You got me! I’m a racist! Have you seen my record these past 40 years!? I’m so racist I make David Duke sound like Barney Frank. Let’s face it, and this is...I’m not the one who...white people are simply better than the blacks. And the Poo-ER-To Ricans. And the Mexicans. Pssst...here’s a little secret: that “Make America Great Again” thing? You know, it...guess what? I can...it really means “Make America White Again” (makes a weird hand sign). 

I’m gonna do foreign policy now for just a minute because...and let me tell ya...I’m sorry...is it exciting? No. I really don’t really understand any of it and..and here’s what...I just can’t because many foreign leaders...and this includes our allies are... and it’s so frustrating...they’re just so weak and lame. Except Vlad. Can we talk about Putin for a second? 

Look, there’s no collusion! Have I said that before? No collusion. Absolutely no collusion. If collusion walked up to me I’d be like...”Hey collusion...I don’t know you, fuck off!” I’m not kidding. If collusion was a pussy, I’d never even grab it. Not even a little. Ok maybe I would because...hey, what can I say...you know how I get around pussy! 

The truth is, Putin doesn’t...there’s no...I’m totally innocent. Let me tell you...and many people are saying...I don’t care...that Dossier...believe me, it’s fake. Fake. A HOAX! I don’t do bad sex things. It’s all lies. Like... I’d never have two red-headed hookers named Olga and Svetlana come to my presidential suite at the Moscow Ritz Carlton at around 9pm on a cold, snowy Tuesday night in 2013 to pee on each other while I was wearing my Superman bathrobe and masturbating with my left hand. Never.

Ok...(yawns)... I’m done here (drinks water from a Power Rangers sippy cup). It’s 9:55 and I have to get upstairs to watch Don Lemon. I pretend that I hate him but...the truth...ya know, I’m not gay...but if I was...he’s a good looking guy. I could get Don Lemon if I wanted, believe me.
So God bless you all...except Jeff Flake...and God bless the Unired Shates of America Ferrara.”