Thursday, December 21, 2017

The Republican Party's Glaring Diversity Problem

As 2017 draws to a close, the major takeaway from this non-traditional ‘honeymoon’ year for President Donald Trump can be summarized by a more potent political toxicity and a deepening of America’s racial divide.

In the past year we’ve witnessed Trump’s blatant, shameless race-baiting and racism. This includes reviving his birther campaign; his outrageous Charlottesville behavior; continued enabling and/or outright defending Neo-Nazi’s, white supremacists, David Duke and the KKK; attacks on black NFL players; disrespecting a black Gold Star mother and widow; and his insensitivity over black victims of police brutality and his general disdain for the Black Lives Matter movement. And let’s not forget his attacks on immigrants, Muslims, Hispanics and Mexicans.

This week we had front row seats to Trump’s virtually all-white, all-male White House masturbatory tax bill celebration, which highlighted his and the GOP’s utter glee in shafting the poor, middle class, sick, elderly and minorities so the rich and corporations could get tremendous permanent tax-cuts that neither they or the economy need. It shined a blinding spotlight on the massive diversity problem of this administration and the Republican Party.

The statistics are staggering. While 37% of Democrats in the House and Senate are non-white, that number falls to under 5% for the GOP. And while the Democratic Party continues to broadening its tent even further, all of the GOP’s freshman Congressmen this year are white. 
The story doesn’t change much when it comes to gender. Women comprise 37% of Democratic Senate seats and only 10% of Republicans’. Same for the House, where women hold a third of the Democrat seats while less than 9% are Republican. 

Diversity in Trump’s administration is equally lacking. Just 17% of cabinet members are non-white. And just 20% are women. By comparison, the numbers for men of color or women jump to 64% and 45% in Barack Obama's and George W. Bush’s initial cabinets respectively. Making matters worse, most of Trump’s Summer interns were white, as are 90% of his Federal judicial nominees, the highest in decades, according to the Associated Press. Just 20% of his judicial appointments have been women. 

In short, while America is getting more diverse, and while the Democratic Party is reflecting this ethnic and gender evolution in its House and Senate caucuses, the Republican party just keeps getting whiter and dude-r. And in the process, the needs of minorities and women, and the injustices committed against them every day, are being increasingly ignored, and worse, enabled. 

To be sure, the Republican Party has a major problem on its hands, as evidenced by the stunning results of several recent special elections. There’s a reason why 98% of black women who voted in the Alabama Senate election voted for the Democrat, Doug Jones. And it’s not because they, or an overwhelming majority of minorities, feel at home in the GOP. 

All of which spells trouble for the Republican Party in next year’s midterm elections. The latest polling indicates a massive blue wave that’s sweeping across the nation. Americans, by a 56%-38% margin, say they prefer Congress to be controlled by Democrats. This momentum to the left is fueled in large part by minorities, women, gays, independents, college-grads, millennials, seniors and suburbanites. 

Coupled with Trump’s abysmal and rapidly declining approval numbers, this shift in voter sentiment could result in a Democratic landslide come November. No wonder the GOP leadership is in a state of panic.


Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Hey Democrats, You Wanna Get Rid of Trump? Here's How...

Talk to any Democrat and two things are certain to be heard: (1) “I hate Donald Trump” and (2) “we’re banking on Robert Mueller to take him down.” While special prosecutor Mueller’s RussiaGate investigation may ultimately prove collusion and/or obstruction of justice, the very likelihood is that this Republican-controlled Congress is simply gonna say, “Hey thanks Bob, we’ll take it all under advisement”...and then walk away and throw the file in the trash. So my advice to Democrats is simple: don’t bank on Mueller, Congress or anyone but yourselves. Just vote. Voters have all the power. 

The blue tsunami that’s been crashing against special-election shorelines should give Democrats more than just hope. It’s a very strong indicator of massive voter anger, enthusiasm and engagement, all of which could result in a landslide next November. Stunning victories in Washington, New Jersey, Virginia and Alabama have created sheer panic in the GOP. And even where Democrats lost, i.e. Kansas, Georgia and South Carolina, the margins have been shockingly small compared to prior elections, giving the left momentum in states where they normally wouldn’t have a shot in hell. Even by conservative estimates, it’s already looking pretty bleak for the GOP and we still have another ten months of Crazytown

To be sure, it’s quite possible Trump could be impeached, removed through the 25th Amendment or he could resign. We might even see indictments for him and his family. But assuming justice will be served this way is not just ill-advised and impractical, it could shatter bleeding liberal hearts from coast-to-coast. 

Democrats cannot control what happens to Trump within the highly complicated, bureaucratic and politically-charged legislative and judicial landscape. But they can effect tremendous, historic change by simply getting out the vote. The beauty of America’s Democracy is that when those curtains are drawn at the polling booth, everyone is equal. The division of power is split evenly across all socioeconomic and racial groups. It’s the only day of the year when janitors and billionaires have the exact same clout and influence. 

Take Alabama, the reddest state in the nation which turned blue for the first time in 25 years, which proved how incredible our Democracy can be when voters take their responsibility and power seriously. Doug Jones’s Senate victory was fueled in large part by an Election Day swarm of women, blacks, millennials, college grads and suburbanites. Throw in Hispanics, gays, independents and fed-up moderate Republicans (i.e folks like MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough) and a Democratic landslide in next year’s midterms seems quite plausible. To say it’ll be a referendum on Trump and his deplorable elitist swamp-dwellers is a gross understatement. 

Just think of the left’s overall campaign proposition:

“Vote for us...give us back control of Congress...and we’ll undo the damage caused by Donald Trump and the Republican Party. We’ll reverse the massive tax cuts for the rich and for corporations, and increase those for the poor and middle class. We’ll preserve, protect and improve the Affordable Care Act. We’ll restore the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP). We’ll pass DACA and protect dreamers...and pass humane immigration reform which creates a path to citizenship for 12-million people who came to our shores with hope of a better life. We’ll increase funding for the EPA, invest in renewable energy and get America back in the Paris Climate Agreement...making us the world’s leader on climate change again....

...”We’ll protect the human and civil rights of women, minorities and gays, while taking a firm stand against intolerance and bigotry from Neo-Nazis, white supremacists and those who seek to spread hatred. We’ll investigate and punish all sexual harassers and sexual abusers in a zero-tolerance policy. We’ll enforce existing laws and legislate new ones to further protect women and men and also make them safer in coming forward when they’ve been violated...”

...“We’ll stop the Courts from turning completely conservative. We’ll stop corporate deregulation. We’ll provide critical oversight on this out-of-control, dangerous Trump administration. We’ll protect the truth, the rule of law and our free and open press. We’ll respect and support our independent judiciary and the brave patriots who serve our country in the FBI and in the intelligence community...”

...We’ll ensure that Russia’s meddling in our elections, and its future cyber-attacks to undermine our Democracy, is fully investigated without impediment, and we’ll hold those accountable, including the president, if there was collusion and/or obstruction of justice....

...“And we will ensure that no soldier is sent into battle—in Iraq, Iran, North Korea or elsewhere—unless it’s an absolute last resort after diplomacy and all other efforts have failed....

...”Most important, we will restore America’s standing in the world. Earn back the respect, admiration and source of inspiration that’s been squandered in this reckless, undisciplined administration... 

...Our party is the face of the future. Of all people. All races and religions. The face of the American dream....

...The Republican Party is the face of Donald Trump, Roy Moore and billionaires. The choice is yours...” 

Now think of what the #GOP’s basic message will be:

“Donald Trump is innocent. Our GOP-controlled Congress has been highly effective. We’ve been really great for you but youre just too stupid to recognize it. And it’s the media’s fault you don’t like us or our highly unpopular policies. The rich need more. And you will pay for it. And you’ll see how great that is for you. We’ll sexually-harass and abuse you and then shamelessly protect the predators. We’ll stop giving away free stuff to those lazy black people. And oh...brown people are dangerous, which is why we need to build physical walls and diplomatic barriers around us to keep ‘em all out. And those homosexuals...SCARY! We’ll keep them away from you too! MAGA!

My money’s on the left.

So listen up, Democrats. Stop fantasizing of the day you see Trump taken away in handcuffs because Super MuellerMan is gonna save the day. Focus instead on the more tangible, direct power you have. The power of your vote. The absolute power no amount of lies, deceit and spin can take away from you. You wanna see Trump impeached? You wanna put an end to this 1950’s-era backward ugliness? Do everything humanly possible to ensure that Democrats win both the House and Senate next year. Alabama is just the tip of the iceberg. The way things are going with Trump and the GOP, it’s conceivable the entire nation could turn blue. 

And as Election Day approaches next year, please remind every Democrat you know of what happened in Virginia this week: Republicans lost control of the state legislature for the first time in 17 years because of one single vote. Just one vote can change government. Every...vote...counts.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

The "Letter of Exoneration" Trump Dreams of Getting From Mueller

Dear President Trump:

Congratulations! And let me start by apologizing. I am SO sorry! You were right! I’m done! I have concluded that there was no collusion or obstruction of justice. This whole sordid witch-hunt “Russia thing” was a total waste of taxpayer money and time, especially mine. You have NO idea how glad I am that it’s finally over. Phew!

You are not only a totally legitimate president, you’re also the best, smartest and most successful. And you know what else you were right about? That no other president has achieved SO much in just 11 months. Man, it’s awe-inspiring what you’ve done. And just think of how much more you could’ve achieved if this whole Russia hoax didn’t impede you. Again, for that, I am so so so so so so so so sorry, sir (I hope you don’t mind me calling you sir).

You truly are amazing. I know it, Rosenstein knows it, the entire FBI knows it and, quite frankly, all of America knows it. We all owe you a HUGE debt of gratitude, sir. Can I be honest? You do not get the proper credit you deserve. No, I mean that. It’s SO unfair! The truth is, we’re extremely lucky to have you. SO lucky. We should be thanking you instead of investigating you, for Pete’s sake. 

So, I hope you are happy to receive this super-official Letter of Exoneration. I’m sorry it took so long...and for me to acknowledge how truly incredible, and innocent, and not-guilty, and innocent you are. And sir, shame on me for failing to recognize not just your absolute, total, 100% innocence sooner, but your incredible greatness as well. MAGA!

Loyally,

Robert Mueller (Embarrassed, humiliated special prosecutor who’s dwarfed by Donald Trump’s greatness)

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Donald Trump's Poison

For the first time in a very long time I went to bed politically happy and woke up even happier. Because last night’s staggering Alabama Senate victory by Democrat Doug Jones over Roy Moore is further proof that we are experiencing America’s comeback. Finally. It’s been two years since Donald Trump’s venomous poison was fanged into the nation’s bloodstream. Alabama’s the anecdote. 

Little did Trump know that his “Make America Great Campaign” was something he’d be unwittingly achieving after he first turned the country to shit. Of course, America was already great when the Manbaby-in-Chief took office. And then, just like that, it wasn’t. It quickly became the headquarters of ignorance, hate and misguided white nationalism. We became the sad joke around the world.

But now the “I alone” president is single-handedly uniting the country, just not in the way he planned: against him. He’s bringing together an unlikely patchwork of Northeners, Southerners and those on both coasts. Blacks, Hispanics, whites, Jews, Christians, Muslims, immigrants, women, gays, the disabled, the college educated, blue-collar workers, athletes, rich, poor, young and old are linking arms in the war against the most tone-deaf, provocative, destructive president in history. And the collateral damage we’re seeing to Trump, his administration, his party, his family and his business is swift and merciless. And it’s only getting worse.

The “I alone” president is now truly alone. Trump’s popularity flirts with the 20’s, and I‘m betting he’ll see single-digits before we see the leaves return in Spring. Our allies across the globe, the intelligence community, the judiciary and the media loathe him. He’s even losing critical elements of his base, including white men and college educated women. And if he thinks last night’s devastating blow isn’t going to be the subject of intense conversation today between Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan, he’s more delusional than we think. Those two spineless, soulless clowns now have a clear window into their future, and it ain’t pretty. They will surely soon turn on him and cut their proverbial losses.

Alabama now has a Democratic Senator for the first time in a quarter century. Let me repeat that: there’s an Alabama Democrat going to the United States Senate. Trump likes to brag that no other president has done so much in his first eleven months. He’s right. Turning ‘Bama blue is an unprecedented accomplishment. You’ve gotta be truly incompetent as a Republican to lose the reddest state in the nation.

Having failed in prior endorsements of critical special-election candidates, including Ed Gillespie in the Virginia Governor’s race, and Luther Strange, who lost to Moore in the primary, Trump showered his venomous support on the disgraced former judge and accused child-molester Moore, who embarrassingly rode into the voting booth yesterday on a horse, and fittingly ending the day a humiliated horse’s ass. 

To be sure, Jones’s stunning victory has created an earthquake of anger, fear, panic and desperation in the White House. There’s a perfect storm on the horizon that’s scaring the shit out of Trump. He’s got Robert Mueller’s special RussiaGate investigation devouring him from within. He’s got 20 angry, sexually-harassed women seeking revenge. And he woke up to the terrifying reality that he’s now political Kryptonite and the poster-child for widespread failure. 

Trump faces a mountainous uphill battle going forward. Everyone with even a half a brain knows he’s woefully unfit for the presidency and must be removed before he does further harm, and causes death and physical destruction. He’s become a friendless island in a sea of haters. I suspect even his kids and Boy Wonder Jared Kushner are contemplating jumping ship. The only wall he’s truly built is the one between him and everyone else. And it’s rapidly closing in on him. 

The floodgates of condemnation have opened. Consider USA Today, which this morning published an unprecedented blistering, no-holds-barred editorial smackdown of Trump and his massive shortcomings:

"A president who would all but call Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand a whore is not fit to clean the toilets in the Barack Obama Presidential Library or to shine the shoes of George W. Bush. This isn't about the policy differences we have with all presidents or our disappointment in some of their decisions. Obama and Bush both failed in many ways. They broke promises and told untruths, but the basic decency of each man was never in doubt.
 
The end is near for Trump and his poisonous cocktail of bigotry and intolerance. It’s just a matter of time.

Friday, December 08, 2017

Dear Alabama Voters: The World is Watching


Dear Alabama Voters…

I hope you have an amazing weekend of relaxation and fun times with friends and family. But I also hope you take some time to think about the critical decision you will have to make at the polls on Tuesday.

You may not think of it this way, but your ultimate decision will have tremendous immediate and long-term impact on American politics and culture. And the ripple effect will be felt around the globe.

You are being asked to choose between the Republican candidate, Roy Moore, and his Democratic opponent Doug Jones. On paper, this should be a truly easy choice.

Moore is a former Alabama state court judge and Supreme Court chief justice who was twice-removed from the bench over various ethics violations. He’s also been accused of sexually-molesting a 14-year-old girl and has been accused by at least eight other women of sexual-assault, including attempted rape.  

But Moore’s alleged sexual transgressions are not the only stain on his integrity, resume and fitness for office. He’s also on record with several highly controversial, incendiary religious, racist and homophobic statements.

Earlier this year he was asked at a campaign rally his opinion on when the last time America was “great:”

"I think it was great at the time when families were united—even though we had slavery—they cared for one another…Our families were strong, our country had a direction." 

So Moore thinks America has not been “great” since human beings, black human beings, were enslaved. Enslaved by white men. Please let that sink in.

Moore’s hatred of gays and lesbians is also clear, evidenced by a solid track-record of attempting to deny the LGBTQ community its basic civil and human rights.

"I think homosexuality should be illegal,” Moore declared.

When you consider that roughly two-thirds of Americans support same-sex marriage, we’d be hard-pressed to find many people who share Moore’s incredibly backward position that homosexuality should be illegal.

Moore’s also blurred the lines between separation of church and state; believes we should have a Christian government; and claimed that God was upset at America because "we legitimize sodomy" and "legitimize abortion."

And when referring to billionaire businessman and liberal donor George Soros, a Jew, Moore said this week:

"He's still going to the same place that people who don't recognize God and morality and accept his salvation are going. And that's not a good place." 

Jones is a lawyer and former Unites States prosecutor who’s put away countless criminals including Ku Klux Klan murderers. He’s pro-business; supports a strong military and national defense; advocates improving public education, raising the minimum wage, and providing affordable healthcare, including retaining protections such as guaranteed coverage regardless of pre-existing conditions; and cares about the environment, the air we breath and the water we drink. He supports the Paris Climate Agreement.

Jones is also a church-going family man with three children who’s lived an unblemished personal life. When you open Moore’s closet a tsunami of skeletons hits you. Jones’s closet is skeleton-free. 

It’s hard to argue that a vote between Moore and Jones is a vote between a liar, racist and sexual-abuser who believes in the standard conservative policies that enrich the wealthy at the expense of the poor and middle class… and an honest man with incredible integrity who serves his country in defending its laws and who believes in using government to support and empower average citizens in achieving the American dream.

It’s hard to argue that a vote between Moore and Jones is a vote between right and wrong.  Between good and evil. Between country and party.

And no, I did not forget to note that Jones is pro-choice. I’d be quite disingenuous if I intentionally omitted this significant fact. I simply saved it for last because I believe it to be at the heart of whatever agonizing dilemma Alabama voters may be experiencing.

So Alabama, I want to appeal to your sense of decency. The kind that I truly believe is in your heart, your soul and your mind. I can understand, accept and respect how meaningfully the abortion issue speaks to you in a very passionate, emotional, fundamental way. But will you let this singular issue dictate your decision? Will you ultimately choose a lying, self-serving, sexual-abusing, sexist, homophobic, anti-Semitic racist simply because he’s not a Democrat who believes women, not men, should control what happens to their bodies?

And so I want to especially appeal to you women of Alabama. This election is about you. It’s about voting for someone who respects women and who will fight to protect you from sexual harassers and abusers. And it’s about not sending an accused child-molester and sexual predator to the most exclusive, most powerful political body in the world. One who is endorsed by the admitted sexual-abuser and accused rapist who sits in the Oval Office.  You can make the difference on Tuesday.

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

This Jew Says "YES!" to Saving Christmas!

Enough is enough! It’s time! This all-out assault on Christmas has to end. 

I’ve gotta be honest. As a Jew, and as someone who abhors religious persecution of any kind, I’ve been shocked by the virtual disappearance of Christmas. Been asking myself, “Where the hell did it go!? It’s become so invisible that it appears almost entirely lost from American culture. 

And if that wasn’t enough, we’ve become inundated with all this Hannukah crap that society’s been ramming down our throats. Seriously, between Labor Day and New Year's that's all I see and hear....Hannukah, Hannukah, Hannukah. Every single day. Everywhere I go. "What are you doing for Hannukah?" friends, co-workers and even strangers ask. “What are you getting the kids for Hannukah?” And, "Did you get all your Hannukah shopping done!?" People on the street gleefully wish me a “Happy Hannukah!” Why do they automatically assume I'm Jewish? (must be the under-pronounced nose and the unblemished golden skin) 

And if I get invited to one more office Hannukah party, or if I see one more damned "Happy Hannukah" sign, dreidel or Hannukah bush in one more retail store, I think I'm gonna convert to Christianity just out of protest! Oy, how I long for just one wreath! Some tinsel. Maybe some red somewhere. Just one day of walking around and you’d get the feeling that we’re a nation comprised of only Jews. 

I feel really bad for all my Christian friends. That they have to be subjected to this kind of insensitivity is just so unfair! All they really want to do is celebrate their own holiday and not feel alienated from the rest of the country, yet Christmas has become utterly drowned out by the Festival of Lights. It’s eight days of torture for them. 

So, I’d like to thank Donald Trump for being our brave general in the War on Christmas (even though he started it), and for his biblical effort to save this joyous holiday from the depths of irrelevance and obscurity.

Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 04, 2017

Dear America: A Message From Your President

(an update from my 12/1 post)
Dear Fellow Americans...

What a week that was, huh!? Just when you think things can’t get worse, they do! Jeb Bush predicted “chaos,” but I don’t think he could ever imagine just how chaotic it would get! 

I’m gonna be honest with you which, as you know, isn’t my strong suit. Things are pretty messed up right now. I’m scared. Terrified, in fact. My former campaign manager’s been indicted, my former National Security Advisor just plead guilty to lying to the FBI, and he’s now singing like a canary in a karaoke bar. Then there’s my former aides Richard Gates, also indicted, and George Papadopoulos, also pleading guilty to lying to the FBI. And it’s just the beginning. I think my kids and Jared might end up in prison. It’s all crumbling. 

I know I’ve called the Russia investigation a “hoax” and a “witch hunt” and nothing but “fake news.” But, you don’t believe that shit, do you? Believe me, Mueller scares me more than General Kelly...and Kelly’s one scary dude! He reminds me of my cold, mean dad. I crap my pants just hearing his footsteps. So, I’m screwed, believe me. 

It’s obvious that my presidency’s as out-of-control as a New Jersey Housewives episode. You could almost see me and Rex Tillerson sluggin’ it out in the White House, right? Except that would never happen...because I’m not a fighter. I only talk tough. Remember Vietnam and the “bone spurs?” That was a good one daddy and his doctor concocted. Why do you think I love hangin’ around all those generals? Makes me feel strong and military-like...like that shit rubs off or something. But we all know I’m just a scared little child. A manbaby. Twitter is my Uzi. What these tiny little fingers can do with 280 characters! Watch out women, disabled people and military widows...I’m a digital warrior! But when I’m face-to-face? I cower like a frightened rat. 

If you haven’t guessed by now, I really don’t give a shit about you, America, or anything or anyone but myself. I’m a slave to my rapacious ego. My Narcissistic Personality Disorder is swallowing me whole. The depth of my insecurity and self-loathing is staggering. I’m 71. This leopard ain’t changing his spots. It’s only gonna get worse...believe me. (Though I probably shouldn't call myself a leopard...Donnie Jr and Eric might shoot me). 

I’m a political train-wreck. I cozy up to Russia, Nazi’s, white supremacists, the KKK, brutal dictators, Britain First and accused child-molesters and sexual abusers (of which I am one) while I disrespect and demean our allies, our judiciary, our intelligence community, veterans, the media and my own cabinet and staff. I lie to you 24/7. And, I’m utterly obsessed with Barack Obama. Honestly? I’m so jealous of that guy it’s killing me. Great wife, kids, reputation and people love him. And he accomplished so much. I hate him!

I say all the time that I’ve accomplished so much, but I know I haven’t done anything but sign executive orders undoing everything that Afro-Hawaiian guy did. Tax reform? We’ll see what those Republican idiots in Congress will do. They can’t even agree on what to order for lunch. And that Supreme Court justice? Does anyone really think I did that? First of all, you can thank that thief McConnell for it. I gotta admit: I’ve done some pretty shady shit in my life, but stealing that seat from Obama was a beautiful, beautiful thing! And, does anyone think any other Republican president wouldn’t have appointed a conservative justice? I did what anyone would’ve done. But you know how much I crave praise, so I'll happily take credit for it, believe me.

The craziest thing is that I have us on the verge of nuclear war and even that isn’t enough to stop me! As crazy as Kim Jong Un is, he’s Churchill compared to me! I’m about to send our soldiers to die (the sons and daughters of my BASE!) because I’m thin-skinned, lack discipline control and wouldn’t know diplomacy if it smacked me in my orange head. 

And my sinking popularity...oy! Everyone hates me! There’s just different levels of hatred. There’s liberals, who hate me outright. There’s the Republican leadership and Congress, which hates me but can’t publicly admit it. There’s conservatives, who hate me but love tax cuts more. There’s evangelicals, who hate me for reminding them that they’re shameless hypocrites who hide behind the cloak of God. There’s my team—Kelly, Tillerson, McMaster, Mattis, Cohn, etc— which hates me but fears what I’d do if they weren’t around. And then there’s the base. They hate themselves, which explains how they could still support me. But, make no mistake: no one hates me more than me. 

So I really gotta ask: what the hell is wrong with you people?! Are you ever gonna try to get rid of me? Will I ever be impeached? Indicted? Or removed from office by that stupid 25th Amendment thing? What will it finally take for you to say ‘Enough!?’ What more can I do to prove I’m a dangerous buffoon who’s so BIGLY unfit for office?

Will it all come down to Mueller’s investigation? This whole “Russia thing?” Hmmm...maybe it’s time to call Vlad and “WIK-ee-leaks” and see what they’ve got on Mueller...

Signed,
Your President

Friday, December 01, 2017

An Open Letter to America From Donald Trump

Dear Fellow Americans...

What a week, huh!? Are ya havin’ fun yet? This is the kind of “chaos” Jeb Bush could never dream of! Yet here I am...still standing. Still president. “President.” Wow. I never tire of hearing me say that about me. But I’ll be honest which, as you know, isn’t my strong suit. I’m more shocked than you are that I still have this job. Believe me... 

My presidency’s as out-of-control as a New Jersey Housewives episode. You could almost see me and Rex Tillerson sluggin’ it out in the White House, right? Except that would never happen...because I’m not a fighter. I only talk tough. Remember Vietnam and the “bone spurs?” That was a good one daddy and his doctor concocted. Why do you think I love hangin’ around all those generals? Makes me feel strong and military-like...like that shit rubs off or something. But we all know I’m just a scared little child. A manbaby. Twitter is my Uzi. What these tiny little fingers can do with 280 characters! Watch out women, disabled people and military widows...I’m a digital warrior! But when I’m face-to-face? I cower like a frightened rat. 

If you haven’t guessed by now, I really don’t give a shit about you. Or America. Or anything or anyone but myself. Not even my wife and kids. Do you see how I treat Melania? How I’m destroying my kids’ careers and lives and the legacy of my grandkids and future generations of Trumps? I can’t help myself. Remember ”I’m the only one that matters!” and “I alone”? I’m a slave to my rapacious ego. My Narcissistic Personality Disorder is swallowing me whole. The depth of my insecurity and self-loathing is staggering. And I’m never gonna change. It’s only getting worse...believe me...

I cozy up to Russia, Nazi’s, white supremacists, the KKK, brutal dictators, Britain First and accused child-molesters and sexual abusers (of which I am one) while I disrespect and demean our allies, our judiciary, our intelligence community, veterans, the media and my own cabinet and staff. I lie to you 24/7. And, I’m utterly obsessed with Barack Obama. Honestly? I’m so jealous of that guy it’s killing me. Great wife, kids, reputation and people love him. And he accomplished so much. I hate him!

Me? I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing in 10 months...except piss all over the Constitution, the rule of law and turned America upset down and made it the joke of the universe. Welcome to Trump’s fascist state!

It doesn’t even seem to bother you that I have us on the verge of nuclear war. As crazy as Kim Jong Un is, he’s Churchill compared to me! I’m about to send our soldiers to die (the sons and daughters of my BASE!) because I’m thin-skinned, lack discipline control and wouldn’t know diplomacy if it smacked me in my orange head. 

Everyone hates me. There’s just different levels of hatred. There’s liberals, who hate me outright. There’s the Republican leadership and Congress, which hates me but can’t publicly admit it. There’s conservatives, who hate me but love tax cuts more. There’s evangelicals, who hate me for reminding them that they’re shameless hypocrites who hide behind the cloak of God. There’s my team—Kelly, Tillerson, McMaster, Cohn, etc— which hates me but fears what I’d do if they weren’t around. And then there’s the base. They hate themselves, which explains how they could still support me. But, make no mistake: no one hates me more than me. 

So I really gotta ask: what the hell is wrong with you people?! Are you ever gonna try to get rid of me? Will I ever be impeached? Indicted? Or removed from office by that stupid 25th Amendment thing? What will it finally take for you to say ‘Enough!?’ What more can I do to prove I’m a dangerous buffoon who’s so BIGLY unfit for office?

Will it all come down to Mueller’s investigation? This whole “Russia thing?” Hmmm...maybe it’s time to call Vlad and “Wik-ee-leaks” and see what they’ve got on Mueller...

Signed,
Your President