An Open Letter to House Republicans

Dear House Republicans:

Well, ya done did it. You shut down the government. Congratulations! Although I'm not exactly sure for what. But let me take a stab at it.

Maybe it's because you don't think the Republican Party is irrelevant enough. Or maybe it's because you want to speed up your complete obsolescence. Perhaps it's because you think your 10% approval rating is too high. Or maybe it's because you want to prove to Newt Gingrich that you're more reckless, irresponsible and crazier than he was back in '95. Or maybe you're all just too stupid to understand the economic implications of your unconscionable behavior. My guess? It's all of the above.

Celebratory cries of "Yay!" and "Yippee!" could be heard throughout the Republican caucus at midnight last night as Speaker John Boehner turned into an even bigger pumpkin. But let's be clear: this is no Cinderella story. There's no Prince Charming to save the day.

So now what, geniuses? Do you realize that the "Obama" of "Obamacare" is never going to throw his signature health care reform under the GOP bus? You do realize that you're at an impossible impasse, don't you? That you've boxed yourselves into a humiliating corner from which there is no way out except retreat? Have you thought of all this? Please tell us you've thought of all this. Because if you haven't then, yes, your brains have been marinating in crazy sauce.

It wasn't enough for you to be the most ineffective, do-nothing Congress in history. You had to attempt to overturn standing law by attaching your ideological insanity to a spending bill; law which makes your blood boil because you see it as little more than an arrogant black man using your hard-earned rich-white-folk-money to give free shit to a bunch of poor, lazy, shiftless blacks and Hispanics. Be honest. Just more welfare, right?

But I have some news for you. This isn't just about the poor or minorities. There's millions of middle-class people. White people too who desperately need health care. Who need help. Who want guaranteed coverage. Who are happy not to have lifetime caps. Who will no longer worry about being denied coverage over preexisting conditions. Who want to keep their adult children to age 26 on their policies. And guess what? Many of them are Republican. And Independents. And they live in your districts. And they vote. And they'll remember you in 2014 come election time. Together with their black and Hispanic brethren they'll remember how you acted like spoiled, angry, self-serving children who didn't give a rat's ass about them or America's fragile economy.

Remember the old adage: Be careful what you wish for.