"I Don't Recall!" "I Don't Recall!" "I Don't Recall!"

Attorney General Jeff Sessions, the nation’s top lawman, came to the House Judiciary Committee Tuesday armed with an arsenal of indignation, defensiveness, evasiveness and lies. And lots of memory loss. 

Sessions’ performance was an ironic travesty of justice. The highlight came when Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) asked Sessions if he realized that he’s said “I don’t recall” at least 20 times.

“I have no idea,” the former Alabama senator replied with a straight face.

We’ve never before witnessed a Unites States Attorney General come to Capitol Hill and demonstrate such arrogant, blatant disregard and disdain for the rule of law and utter contempt for those responsible for protecting it. It was equal parts farce and villainy. 

I can already imagine the Kate McKinnon Saturday Night Live skit...

Rep. Jeffries: Sir, you have come before the Senate Judiciary Committee, the Senate Intelligence Committee and now the House Judiciary Committee...and in these hearings you have answered critical questions of national security with “I don’t recall” approximately 5000 times. Isn’t this extremely deceitful and dishonest? 

Sessions: Dang straight, Wakeen! I’m a smarmy lil rascal, ain’t I?!

Rep. Jeffries: But we’re talking about Russian interference in America’s election. The undermining of our democracy. The co-opting of the US president, who may be blackmailed because of pee-pee tapes.

Sessions: Mmmm...I sure would love to see them tapes! I’m nuttier than a squirrel turd!

Rep. Jeffries: Sir, do you know how serious this is?

Sessions: I don’t recall, Kareem! Psst...I’m slicker than snot on a doorknob, huh!?

Rep. Jeffries: Have you committed treason? 

Sessions: I don’t recall! I sure do like sayin’ that! By the way, can y’all turn the heat up? It’s colder than a witch’s titty in here!

Rep. Jeffries: With all due respect, sir, you seem to to be enjoying this charade.

Sessions: I am! I am! Y’all could say I’m happier than a tornado in a trailer park! 

Rep Jeffries: In closing, are there any other meetings you had with Russians that you wish to state for the record today? 

Sessions: I don’t recall! See? You ain’t gonna pin me down! I’m a sniveling lil scalawag! If I’s British ya’d call me a greasy lil cheeky monkey! Now c’mon, Shaquille, please show me them pee-pee tapes!.....