Friday, February 03, 2006

Bush Warns of Frightening New Enemy

President Bush has now officially progressed beyond simple lies and deception and has graduated to much more complex psychobabble. During his State of the DisUnion address Tuesday, the commander-in-chief warned of a frightening new enemy that could infiltrate American society if left unchecked. The new terrorists. Yes, I'm talking about the dreaded Human-Animal-Hybrid. A beast so threatening it'll make BigFoot seem like Barney.

Our president fears scientists almost as much as he fears Al Qaeda. Oh, these Dr. Frankensteins are a scary bunch indeed, says Bush. Roaming around the lab, in their smug white coats, cooking up all sorts of terror in those pesky little test tubes. No siree. He's not going to let them turn America into a scene from Night of the Living Dead. Not this tough guy from Texas. Not on his watch.

Discussing ethics in science and medicine, Bush asked legislators in a packed House chamber to help him protect our society from these dreaded man-beasts:

"Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments, creating human-animal hybrids, and buying, selling, or patenting human embryos. Human life is a gift from our creator, and that gift should never be discarded, devalued or put up for sale".

And there you have it. The president once again rushing to protect us from the enemy. And if he also wants to bypass Congress and the courts and start bugging all the lab phones in this country, I say go for it. Look, I've never seen Sasquatch up close and personal, but I've watched countless documentaries featuring those who have. It's a horror they'll never forget. So let me tell you, I never want to encounter one of these nightmarish man-beasts the president warns of. President Bush, I implore you. Please continue to do everything in your power to make America's men, women and children safe from human-animal hybrids. America, be afraid. Be very, very afraid.


Anonymous said...

The only frightening enemy the US has.

Can't wait to see what they do to us over the rest of his term!

Those of us close to our Social Security days are holding our breath. To break the trust that was set in motion many decades ago is a crime. To sell the private accounts idea to the young is a sin. Of course they don't realize that without Social Security they will be the ones supporting the old folks!

Anonymous said...

Har! Har!

Anonymous said...

Don't laugh. I've seen them....

Vleeptron Dude said...

authentic certified verified documentary photographic evidence of a H-A H:

In the name of morals and bioethics we must pass federal legislation immediately, as soon as Hillary Clinton finishes passing federal laws banning porno videogames.

Bush actually has a Science Adviser. He's a laser physicist.

Anonymous said...

On this point (the quote in the article) I agree with Bush. I have a master's degree in physics and enjoy science. But human life should have a special respect. If you want to add one specific human protein into an animal ok but not random hybrids for research.

Anonymous said...

I think Bush's concern about human/animal hybrids was well-founded and based on the threat posed by his cow/boy diplomacy